what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
