Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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