Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
