I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
