Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
