is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
