Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is the high leading the old right now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i now understand why vodka
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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