omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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