How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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