some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He passed out mid-signature
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
