You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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