Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
