Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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