i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
