just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
