I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
