She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
