There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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