walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
