I need to stop coming to work sober
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
