And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
