I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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