i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
