Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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