What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
