She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
