So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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