Your dad touched me again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hippo gnu deer
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
