She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
