Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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