i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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