one two three fourrrrnication!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
