lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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