sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
