Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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