I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
