I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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