just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
