I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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