lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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