You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
