My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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