Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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