I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
