Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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