I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
