Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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