oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
