Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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