If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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