Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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